Monthly Mama Spotlight: Anna

Hi all I’m Anna!!! I’ve been married for five years and I am a Momma to a beautiful, energetic, lovely two year old boy named Holden Michael. As we ALL know, Motherhood is no walk in the park. No matter how much you read, practice or dream – it can never fully prepare you for a babe, especially a first babe.

I had an awesome pregnancy and an awesome labor and delivery. Exactly six hours from water breaking to holding him on my chest. All natural!! Postpartum Anxiety hit me from the jump and I had NO IDEA. I was fully prepared for PPD – watching my thoughts and feelings, but I was happy. I just couldn’t settle. I was so tired, but I couldn’t relax enough to sleep. Then anxiety eventually turned into depression. My body had changed so much. I was unmotivated to workout, eat right or even get out of my house. I have a summer babe, so it was too hot to take him outside. Then he was still too little to be out in the cold, in the winter. So I just stayed inside eating and THEN I didn’t even want to go out because I didn’t want anyone to see me! I withdrew from everyone and essentially became a recluse. A crazy, vicious cycle! (Carmen can attest – she practically hunted me down/also fun fact I’ve known Lauren and Carmen for more than 20 years!)

My husband is the bread winner and he was doing his job beautifully and I felt like as a SAHM…the baby/house is MY job. And you never want to complain to your spouse about the best job in the world…so I didn’t talk. I tried to keep everything perfect (outside of myself) until I started to crack. And that’s what kept me in my cloud for so long. I used to want 6 kids and to be a Wife and a Mother. I’d dreamed of that since I was a little girl. But when I became a Mom, and being raised by a Mom who was fulfilled being a SAHM…I had a very tough realization that I LOVE my Baby, fiercely. But I do not always love being a SAHM….and that is O-K-A-Y! And once I realized that, accepted it and talked about it out loud…that’s when my depression broke. And that was January of this year (my son was born July 2017!) That’s a long time, Girls! Too long!

So my encouragement to you is – if you are feeling these things – anything – TALK! Just talk! Open your mouth and talk to someone. Your spouse, find a Mom’s group in your area to join (this is what really helped me- Moms Time at my Church) or connect with someone in this community. We carry A LOT as Mommas and it is okay to want other things and it is okay to BE FULLY satisfied being home with your Babes and killing the SAHM Life! And it is okay not be perfect. None of us are – Welcome to the Club!!👏 Your crazy is welcome here and so are you!! Bc I know mine is 😁

Now, I have my own Communication Coaching business and I LOVE it! I get to stay home with my Baby, but also take Mommy-Mind Breaks and focus on something I really love encouraging others and it fills my cup back up! And by doing that – I enjoy my baby and motherhood SO much more! We are all different, but we are all in this together! You’re amazing, Momma!!!

Guilty

My favorite way to relax hands down is by getting my toes and nails done. I stick my head phones in and don’t talk to A N Y O N E. I have been going to the same salon for about four years, so they totally know I’m the client who only wants to be bothered when its absolutely necessary. I’m also a creature of habit so I get the same thing done when I go thus I am fully aware of the drill like when its time to wash my hands. When my nails are being attended, I read magazines and toe time is for sleeping or more magazines. Its seriously a nice hour and a half of Utopia. But on the drive home the guilt sets in. I don’t want to get caught…. by….. my sitter.

First of all my sitter is an ANGEL. This woman was literally sent from God to our family. She is the sweetest and my littles love her. Which makes me feel totally ashamed when I show up with the classic pedicure flip flops on. **To my other best friend who watched our middle child for close to a year, you are an angel and the sweetest too and a godsend as well. I know you’re reading this**. I’ve actually been blessed with pretty great sitters throughout this little kid time in my life and I felt this guilt with all of them (except the one who was terrible) because in my head I feel like they’re thinking “I wish I didn’t have to watch your snotty nosed kids and could get a mani/pedi. But no I had to stay here and sit for your kids who literally think they’re in a rock band.” Just a heads up, my kids noses are wiped often and very rarely snotty. The rock band part is true though.

I get my mani/pedi’s (when money allows) biweekly either while I’m on lunch (I have no problem showing back up at work with fresh nails) or if I have the time, leave a little early and get to the salon before I head home. My job is what we in our small town call “in town”. The drive is about 25 minutes, if there’s no traffic, with nothing but wild horses in between. Its a totally planned out thing, I try to make sure I have flip flops in my car to change into and on the car ride home, I put the car AC blower on my feet for faster drying. I never have time to sit and wait for my toes to dry at the salon because I am always on the go. I try not to show up with the flimsy salon sandals because I want my sitter to know that she is totally cherished and I am not taking advantage of her. Its just super convenient to take care of myself while the kids are already taken care of.

I feel like that is the working-outside-of-the-home mom’s dilemma though. Being plagued by the pull of making sure that our kids aren’t spending too much time with someone else but also needing to fit in taking care of ourselves. Most of us are doing the right thing by taking that extra hour for ourselves or choosing to pick the kids up early. Doing what’s right for our well being is the biggest goal that sometimes feels the least attainable. So at the end of this post I have no inspirational thought or a we can do it mantra… All I have is this 1. to encourage each of you to make sure you do what works for you whether there is guilt involved or not and 2. that I’m going to get my sitter a gift certificate for a mani/ pedi for Christmas.

❤